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EVERY relationship has a cycle.In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, andliked theiridiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneousexperience.You didn't have to DO anything.That's why it's called "falling" in love...Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Think about the imagery of that expression.It implies that you were just standing there; doingnothing, and thensomething came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy.It's a passive and spontaneous experience.But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria oflove fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),touch is not always welcome (when it happens), andyour spouse'sidiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with everyrelationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramaticdifference between theinitial stage when you were in love and a muchduller or even angrysubsequent stage.At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry theright person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoriaof the love you oncehad, you may begin to desireThat experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown.People blame their spouse for their unhappiness andlook outside theirmarriage for fulfillment.Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes andsizes.Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, afriendship, excessive TV,or abusive substances.But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie Outsideyour marriage. It lies within it.I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.
But you'd be in the same situation a few yearslater.
Because (listen carefully to this):THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'SLEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneousexperience.It'll NEVER just happen to you.You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.That's why we have the expression "the labor oflove."Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And mostimportantly, it takesWISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriagework.Make no mistake about it.Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with orwithout your spouse) tosucceed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe(such as gravity), thereare also laws for relationships.Just as the right diet and exercise program makesyou physically stronger,certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It'sa direct cause and effect.If you know and apply the laws, the results arepredictable. ..you can"make" love.Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling.
posted by arinia at
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
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